I want to always remember

I want to always remember

Standing here, the wind on my face, the trees rustle above my head, I wipe the tears that tap at my eyes. The fields pool out before me, grass reaching out for miles. The hills stretch their arms and splay their fingers, covering the ground in green and brown and yellow and more green. My coat slaps my legs and my hair whips my face with sharp cold.

I am scared.

My heart is heavy; so full of this place. I blink, locking in a mental photograph. I never want to forget this place; this moment. I shudder against the cold and I am sobbing now. Breath after breath, I screech the air in and out of my lungs. I try to breathe it all in. I don’t want to forget. If I breathe in enough of this air then it will always be with me, this place. I know it will look different next time I am here, and I will feel different, but this, this right here, I want to remember.

I want to always remember.

I can feel her here. The howls the wind carries from the woods are her. The ripples over the puddles are her. The trees shaking their long spindly branches are her. She is here, and I am so fucking terrified I’m going to forget her.

-- 

Here's a little piece of microfiction I wrote a few years ago while listening to music - no memory (ironically) what music. I'm the kind of writer that writes what feels right and what comes right out of the ends of my fingers. This can be stunting a lot of times because I often feel as though I have to be in the right head-space to write, which means I often bring up the excuse of 'writer's block'. I'm trying to combat this, by sitting down to write more often, and writing whatever comes out, and then coming back to it to adapt it into something worth reading. This piece was a little rustier when I came back to it, and I'll probably find it awful when I next pick it up again, but there we are. I'm trying to write more, edit more, and remember that you can't edit a blank page. So, here's to writing more, and enjoying the process. 

With love,

Ellen Victoria