Book Review: Bellies, Nicola Dinan

 Bellies, Nicola Dinan

Read: 07 - 30/09/2023

My rating: 5 /5 stars

Book of 2023: 11

It begins as your typical boy meets boy. While out with friends at a university drag night, Tom buys Ming a drink. Confident and witty, a charming young playwright, Ming is the perfect antidote to Tom’s awkward energy, and their connection is instant. Tom finds himself deeply and desperately drawn into Ming’s orbit, and on the cusp of graduation he’s already mapped out their future together. But shortly after they move to London and start their next chapter, Ming announces her intention to transition. 

From London to Kuala Lumpur, New York to Cologne, we follow Tom and Ming as they face shifts in their relationship in the wake of Ming’s transition. Through a spiral of unforeseen crisis - some personal, some professional, some life-altering - Tom and Ming are forced to confront the vastly different shapes their lives have taken since graduating, and each must answer the essential question: is it worth losing a part of yourself to become who you want to be?

I bought this beautiful novel from Max Minerva’s bookshop in Henleaze when Evie T was visiting me in Bristol. I began reading it in the GP before being transferred to Southmead hospital for that fun two day visit to acute injuries. Ah, fond memories. Anyway, I got pretty stuck in immediately. 

We follow Tom and Ming, flipping between them as narrators, with their distinct voices and each’s perspective of navigating the world through a queer lens. We explore their queer identities, preferences, self-love, self-hatred, family, friendship, vulnerability, sex, art, university, adulthood, working, graduation, loneliness, love, hate, loss, grief. All of it. It holds up a mirror to your 20s. Trying to find yourself, trying to do your best, trying desperately to hold on to what we know, to hide in the shadows of comfort, and shows us the importance of stepping into the light. 

While Tom clings on, hoping to make as small a splash as possible, Ming is wired to push the boat out, to take her destiny in her own hands.

It’s brilliant. 

The way we flit between Ming and Tom is flawless, important, distinct. We see both sides of their story, their lives, their relationship. The difficulty they each face, the way communication breakdown affects both ends. The way self-loathing or a lack of self belief muddies the water for each of them.

Ming faces transitioning, stepping into danger, into danger, oppression, all of the horrible things the world hurls at trans people. We follow her story, and we follow her discomfort, her struggle, to accept herself, as she has seen herself, but also to question how much of her stays, or goes. 

Tom faces being left behind, he feels cheated out of a future he envisioned, he feels responsible, wrapped up, and battles the internal wish Ming wouldn’t change at all. 

Dinan explores friendship, family, the importance of the people around us. Who we lean on for support, who we talk to, who we feel we can reveal ourselves in front of. We are nothing without the people we rely on. 

Now, I feel compelled to discuss the title, Bellies, because the reasoning behind it is soooooo gorgeyyyy. The whole idea is about showing your belly to people. To reveal vulnerability, the way some animals will only do when they feel safe. You don’t reveal your most important organs in a dangerous situation, or perhaps you should. Showing someone your belly is showing them your vulnerability. Showing your triggers, your weaknesses, what makes you sad, happy, hurt.

How can we expect to connect to anyone if we’re too busy covering our bellies? 

I luvvvvv it!!!!!

Not only is the belly so important to the novel’s message of vulnerability and connection, but it translates beautifully to the way food strings people together in this story. Ming brings with her the plates from Malaysia, and teaches Tom to make them. The couple cook together, for each other, Ming transports Tom to her world through the dishes they eat together. Ming’s family speak in meals and share sweet treats. Ming makes food to care for friends, Tom makes food to impress dates, to bond. The language of love is spoken so eloquently through eating in Bellies. 

Though we see Tom and Ming separate, moving miles and miles apart, they stay connected. Through the thoughts they share, the friends they share, the memories that cannot be unravelled from the other. 

It brings up how much we become intertwined with another person in a relationship. How much of ourselves we sacrifice, or at least rewire, in the effort of letting someone else in. 

In the wake of their break-up, Tom and Ming are brought together by tragedy. Their shared grief removes some of the barriers they’ve built up, helps them reach each other through the sorrow and see they need each other. Forgive each other. Hold each other in a new way.

I am going to recommend it to anyone and everyone in my life. I’m going to show everyone my belly!